Relationship Red Flags - 3 Statements To Listen For

Last Updated July 15th, 2013

Relationship Red Flags - 3 Statements To Listen For

Relationship Red Flags

Relationships can certainly be tough and many hearts have been broken due to them. The dynamics of relationships are varied, but relationship experts have come to understand a few things about them that are helping couples grow and flourish. Here are 3 statements or philosophies that one or both partners may speak or think that are red flags when it comes to a healthy relationship.

Relationship Red Flags # 1. “I can’t live without you!”

This statement may sound good in a song, but the root of this kind of thinking is desperation and neediness. If you have ever experienced a partner making you out to be their “god”, dependent upon you for their sole happiness, then you probably can understand how annoying this can be. Have you ever had someone flat out tell you this? Have you said this to someone? This statement does not reflect true love. Instead, it reflects a dependency on someone just like an infant depends on a parent for love and attention. It usually means that psychologically, a person is in the middle of dealing with childhood wounds that are in need of healing. The only problem is that a partner cannot heal them. A partner cannot and is not supposed to coddle and pamper and make someone else “whole”. If you feel like you cannot live without your partner, it’s time to do some soul searching. Get some counseling and learn how to meet your own needs, so that you are not relying on an imperfect partner to meet them. As you grow more secure, you will be more apt to be able to form a mature, lasting, healthy relationship. You can live without your partner.

Relationship Red Flags # 2. “I only need you!”

This statement sets up people for heartache. If you think you only need your partner to fulfill your every need, you set your relationship up for failure. Humans need a variety of people and things to meet their emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs: not just you. If you try to get all of your needs from one person met, it’s like trying to get all of your daily recommended vitamins in one slice of pizza. It’s not going to happen.

Couples do tend to meet some needs, but it is not healthy to have the “all of nothing” mentality. If you are complaining that your gal spends a few hours a week having coffee with the girls, engaging in a Zumba class, or shopping with her mother, you’re out of line. She needs to have a life outside of you for her own personal growth. At the same time, you need a life outside of her; hobbies, friends, etc. There is a balance that you can work toward. Time together and time apart flows well.

Support the growth of your partner. Suggest he get involved in a hobby or discover something he is passionate about. You don’t only need him. You need a host of other things to fulfill your needs too.

Relationship Red Flags # 3. “We are one!”

No, you are two. Your partner does not have to be just like you and everything will not always be in order. You have your needs and he has his needs. You have your desires and he has his desires. They don’t have to be the same at all. A mature, healthy relationship will be able to survive when partners have different passions and desires. It will also survive conflicts and disagreements. You can have similar interests on some levels, but the mentality that “we are one” and no more will set you up for failure.

True love means there will be a feeling of freedom and trust on both ends. True love allows each person to become their true self. True love will create a long lasting, healthy relationship. If you tend to have these types of thoughts and feelings, consider doing more research on how to have a healthy relationship or see a counselor. Relationships ought to thrive abundantly, full of love and light, so if yours is not, take heart; it can with some knowledge and effort.

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